I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
