glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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