I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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