Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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