so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
