capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
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she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
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WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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