Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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