i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
