I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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