i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
