Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I need water and some morals
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
