What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
