Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
