He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
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