There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
