The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
that is very illegal...i love you.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
