I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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