I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
