Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
