My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
