white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
