I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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