I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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