Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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