i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
i now understand why vodka
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
