No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
