you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
