So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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