dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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