i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
