I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
