Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
