I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
