This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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