I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
They left me at home... I'm a liability
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
