I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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