Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
