About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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