Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
