im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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