i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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