Pappa wants mamma naked
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
