YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
