She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
