You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize