Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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