would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
