Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
