Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
how drunk are you?
Several
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
