I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
This is classic penis vs brain.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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