Welp...herpes.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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