You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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