You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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