I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
