We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
