forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
