It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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