I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
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I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
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I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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