Please, let me fuck your mom
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Randomize
