hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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