I just made out with a guy for $7.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
