the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
