he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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