I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
