singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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