They should really pass out barf bags in church
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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