Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
